But to be hampered with cruel
accusations, and stained with foul suspicions-to be the object of pity
of the most degrading kind to yonder honest citizen, and of the
malignity of that envious and atrabilarious courtier, who can endure
the good fortune and good qualities of another no more than the mole
can brook sunshine--this is indeed a deplorable reflection; and the
consequences must stick to my future life, and impede whatever my
head, or my hand, if it is left me, might be able to execute in my
favour."
The feeling, that he is the object of general dislike and dereliction,
seems to be one of the most unendurably painful to which a human being
can be subjected. The most atrocious criminals, whose nerves have not
shrunk from perpetrating the most horrid cruelty, endure more from the
consciousness that no man will sympathise with their sufferings, than
from apprehension of the personal agony of their impending punishment;
and are known often to attempt to palliate their enormities, and
sometimes altogether to deny what is established by the clearest
proof, rather than to leave life under the general ban of humanity. It
was no wonder that Nigel, labouring under the sense of general, though
unjust suspicion, should, while pondering on so painful a theme,
recollect that one, at least, had not only believed him innocent, but
hazarded herself, with all her feeble power, to interpose in his
behalf.
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