Thus, when
you demand my fealty, you say: "Do not forget our verbal understanding."
And when I vow my loyalty, I answer: "I shall not forget to stab you in
the back."
And now, to the transaction. I study you. I train you to ignore my
presence and argue with yourself with the utmost sincerity. I teach you
not to resent your weaknesses.
So, you admit to them and I record all your confessions to be used
against you to your benefit. Denuded of defences, I leave you wounded
by embezzlement, a cold, contemptible exposure. And, in the meantime,
it's only warmth and safety, the intimacy of empathy, the propinquity
of mutual understanding.
I only ask of you one thing: the fullest trust, a willingness to yield.
I remember having seen the following in an art house movie, it was a
test: to fall, spread-eagled from a high embankment and to believe that
I am there to catch you and break your lethal plunge.
I am telling you I'll be there, yet you know I won't. Your caving in is
none of my concern. I only undertook to bring you to the brink and I
fulfilled this promise. It's up to you to climb it, it's up to you to
tumble. I must not halt your crash, you have to recompose. It is my
contribution to the transformation that metastasised in you long before
we met.
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