HOW TO MAKE A GOOD POLITICIAN.
Whene'er you're in doubt, said a Sage I once knew,
'Twixt two lines of conduct _which_ course to pursue,
Ask a woman's advice, and, whate'er she advise,
Do the very reverse and you're sure to be wise.
Of the same use as guides the Brunswicker throng;
In their thoughts, words and deeds, so instinctively wrong,
That whatever they counsel, act, talk or indite,
Take the opposite course and you're sure to be right.
So golden this rule, that, had nature denied you
The use of that finger-post, Reason, to guide you--
Were you even more doltish than any given man is,
More soft than Newcastle, more twaddling than Van is.
I'd stake my repute, on the following conditions,
To make you the soundest of sound politicians.
Place yourself near the skirts of some high-flying Tory--
Some Brunswicker parson, of port-drinking glory,--
Watch well how he dines, during any great Question--
What makes him feel gayly, what spoils his digestion--
And always feel sure that _his_ joy o'er a stew
Portends a clear case of dyspepsia to _you_.
Read him backwards, like Hebrew--whatever he wishes
Or praises, note down as absurd or pernicious.
Like the folks of a weather-house, shifting about,
When he's _out_ be an _In_-when he's _in_ be an _Out_.
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