Perhaps because it is so
rare that we have hardly learned its language.
And yet, how soon one gets accustomed to the greatest marvels! At
first, I was filled with doubt and wonder at the miracle that had
transformed me; now, I take it all as a matter of course. That's the
worst of it; a clay-fed mortal is lifted to Elysium and forgets at
the end of a week that he ever tasted coarser food than ambrosia! I
am spoilt for life; if ever any grief falls upon me in the future, I
shall be beaten to earth.
The other night, as I lay in bed, there came to me, for the first
time in my remembrance, that horror of death of which you sometimes
spoke to me. I thought to myself: I shall lie thus in the dark, only
this heart will be still, this blood will be cold, and there will be
no dawn for me,--yet the world will spin on as before, and those who
loved me will smile again. I feared death for the first time,
because, for the first time, life is dear to me. It is the outcome
of my great content; I cling to my happiness, and Death is my only
enemy, the only power that could knock this cup of bliss out of my
hands. Oh, Constance, to die before one has drunk that full measure,
how horrible!
Another shadow there is that flits from time to time across my eyes.
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