We shall never reach perfection.
_July 4th._--They have not met to-day. I was at the Cottage, and we
made merry as best we could. Gabriel laughed. But when I went into
the larder to fetch the bread for tea, I stayed and cried; for he
had laughed otherwise the first day I came.
Oh, what have we done, we two! We set up Truth as our God, believing
that we should right all the wrongs of the world by living clean of
heart and hand and tongue. Where are we now? Falsehood lies thick
upon us, blackening each word, each trifling action. Yes, I went and
cried in the larder, and when I got back to the kitchen Gabriel was
playing with the kittens, a very imp as of old. We laughed, both of
us.
But later, when I came upon him unawares, he sat with head bowed
low, and his white hands clasped on his knee. I closed the door
softly and went home. It rained a little.
I knew, I know that I am cruel, yet,--only one life,--and I love him
so! Only one life, and he loves her so. The road is dark; I cannot
find my way.
_July 6th._--I have been very sinful. I was worse yesterday, if can
be, than before; more blind, unjust, and selfish.
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