But nothing was lost upon me
now. I read it in every line,--he suffered; something failed
him,--perhaps he knew not what, perhaps he knew. A terrible
loneliness was in his heart,--and I had given him all I had to give.
On the fifteenth of July, I awoke with a sense of something fresh
and sweet; a bunch of roses lay upon my pillow, and Gabriel stood
beside my bed. The shutters were still closed.
"What?" said I, "have you been out already? How dear of you this is!
Is the sun shining?"
And he answered:
"Of course, what should it do but shine on our wedding-day?"
Then he sat down on the edge of the bed, and took both my hands in
his.
"Emilia," said he, "you have made me very happy."
But I, sitting up, bent my head low over his hands and kissed them;
my loose hair fell forward, he did not see the tears that stood in
my eyes. I knew that he had lied.
From that day I began to think with a purpose. I had already gained
sufficient mastery over myself, sufficient calm and strength of
spirit to be able to do so.
I can hardly call it a struggle that followed. I copied out and laid
under my pillow the words of the covenant we had made the day after
our betrothal; daily I read it through, and recognised how we had
failed towards each other, and towards our best beliefs.
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