"
"At any rate," said the grocer, "I insist on paying for the hire of the
black beard."
CANOSSA
Demosthenes Platterbaff, the eminent Unrest Inducer, stood on his trial
for a serious offence, and the eyes of the political world were focussed
on the jury. The offence, it should be stated, was serious for the
Government rather than for the prisoner. He had blown up the Albert Hall
on the eve of the great Liberal Federation Tango Tea, the occasion on
which the Chancellor of the Exchequer was expected to propound his new
theory: "Do partridges spread infectious diseases?" Platterbaff had
chosen his time well; the Tango Tea had been hurriedly postponed, but
there were other political fixtures which could not be put off under any
circumstances. The day after the trial there was to be a by-election at
Nemesis-on-Hand, and it had been openly announced in the division that if
Platterbaff were languishing in gaol on polling day the Government
candidate would be "outed" to a certainty. Unfortunately, there could be
no doubt or misconception as to Platterbaff's guilt. He had not only
pleaded guilty, but had expressed his intention of repeating his escapade
in other directions as soon as circumstances permitted; throughout the
trial he was busy examining a small model of the Free Trade Hall in
Manchester.
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