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Surtees, Robert Smith, 1803-1864

"Mr. Sponge's Sporting Tour"

One would have thought that,
with their hearts mellow, and their bodies comfortable, their minds would
have turned to that sport in whose honour they sported the scarlet; but no,
hunting was never mentioned. They were quite as genteel as Nimrod's swell
friends at Melton, who cut it altogether. They rambled from subject to
subject, chiefly on indoor and London topics; billiards, betting-offices,
Coal Holes, Cremorne, Cider Cellars, Judge and Jury Courts, there being an
evident confusion in their minds between the characters of sportsmen and
sporting men, or gents as they are called. Mr. Sponge tried hard to get
them on the right tack, were it only for the sake of singing the praises of
the horse for which he had so often refused three hundred guineas, but he
never succeeded in retaining an hearing. Talkers were far more plentiful
than listeners.
At last they got to singing, and when men begin to sing, it is a sign that
they are either drunk, or have had enough of each other's company. Sir
Harry's hiccup, from which he was never wholly free, increased tenfold, and
he hiccuped and spluttered at almost every word.


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