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Conrad, Joseph, 1857-1924

"Victory"

I didn't join him!"
"I wish you had," she breathed out.
"I didn't join him. It did not occur to me. I am not much of a
diplomatist. It would probably have been wise, for, indeed, I believe
he had said more than he meant to say, and was trying to take it back by
this affected jocularity. Yet when one thinks of it, diplomacy without
force in the background is but a rotten reed to lean upon. And I don't
know whether I could have done it if I had thought of it. I don't know.
It would have been against the grain. Could I have done it? I have lived
too long within myself, watching the mere shadows and shades of life.
To deceive a man on some issue which could be decided quicker, by his
destruction while one is disarmed, helpless, without even the power to
run away--no! That seems to me too degrading. And yet I have you here.
I have your very existence in my keeping. What do you say, Lena? Would I
be capable of throwing you to the lions to save my dignity?"
She got up, walked quickly round the table, posed herself on his knees
lightly, throwing one arm round his neck, and whispered in his ear:
"You may if you like. And may be that's the only way I would consent to
leave you. For something like that. If it were something no bigger than
your little finger."
She gave him a light kiss on the lips and was gone before he could
detain her.


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