But he had expressed no wish for a meeting, had never all these years
made an effort to see her. She could read in the wording of the letter
that he had been principally deterred from making any attempt to see
her by the feeling that he had entirely forfeited her regard, and had
offended her beyond chance of forgiveness. And had she been asked the
day before she would doubtless have replied that she had no wish
whatever ever again to meet Herbert Penfold; whereas now she felt
almost aggrieved that he should express no wish to meet her, should
have stayed away so long without making one effort to bring about
reconciliation.
"Of all faults that a man can have," she said pettishly, "I do not
think there's one so detestable as that of self-distrust. Why could he
not have said ten years ago, 'I behaved badly, Mary; I treated you
abominably; but forgive me and forget. I was not wholly to blame,
except that I allowed others to come between us?' If he had come and
said that, we could at least have been good friends. I have no
patience with men who cannot stand up for themselves. Now, how much
shall I tell Ralph?" and she again read the letter through.
"Ralph," she said when he came in to dinner, "you remember that letter
I had this morning?"
"Yes, I know, mother; the one that made you turn so white. You said it
was from an old friend, though why a letter from an old friend should
upset any one I can't make out.
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